I had a rough week.
Not the type where all bad things happen in succession, but just generally feeling like crap. The kind of week where I have reflected and looked forward and I didn’t like what I saw. I have been feeling like I want more from this life I have been given, and really I have been doing everything in my power to squander every blessing thrown my way.
Not consciously. I’m pretty sure that I have been sending mixed messages to the universe and in the end, the subconscious messages are winning. Or at least it feels that way.
My expectations of what I wanted are not coming true. My intuitive part of me knows that’s ok. That i’m in line for what is actually coming to me, and that is a beautiful thing. My ego part of me is having a field day with my “i’m not good enough” saboteur that believes that I should be living up to my expectations.
Enter my coach, Szos St. Germain, who I am so glad I talked to today. He always helps me with my perspective work and helps me to see that i’m right where I need to be. I’m changing. My life is taking on a different path than I envisioned, and yeah, it looks like my career as it stands will be the biggest part that has to shift (and with that goes a lot of the things I enjoy that costs money). But i’m really on the verge of something bigger. Something that really speaks to my life purpose, and is calling me to be more than ‘coach’. That includes fighting for what I believe in, that includes following my intuition instead of marketing materials…it really is bigger than anything that has been done before. I’m not Oprah – and I never will be Oprah…I originally thought I wanted to emulate what she has been able to accomplish. But all I want to be is me.
Today, on the eve of my 32nd birthday, I have been lucky enough to have thrived in a year where I could have just thrown in the towel. I started a new career and have been successful to date…not to mention I should be fully certified in about two months. I created my own web site and have been quoted in Canadian Living magazine about finding a work/life balance. I am still married to my love, and even through all the uncertainty, he still accepts and loves me for me. There are many other things that I could mention, but i’ll just leave you with the idea that I am really blessed and being in tune with where and what I am supposed to be has opened up things that God has had in store for me.
What does this all mean? Well, first, I need to speak from an authentic place at all times. Stay curious and ask the “right” question(s). Next, I need to just move in each moment, dance in each moment, and not freak out about what I don’t know, or what I cannot control about the future. I am strongest when I follow my intuition, so I need to continue to listen to my gut. I also need to fight for what I believe in, and fight for this life I have chosen.
So now I turn to you. What will you do to feel authentic to who you are today? What can you do (or not do!) today that will help you get one step closer to real? What is one thing that you really want to work towards but are afraid to start? I’m telling you, tomorrow you’ll wish you started today. So what is it going to be?